I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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