im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
