Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
