well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
