everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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