i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
