Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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