Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
