The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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