he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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