I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
