she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
