I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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