I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
