i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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