9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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