Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I die, sorry about rent.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
