well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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