So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
