I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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