my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
accomplished twins. life is a go
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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