Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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