everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
