Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
