Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
