he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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