then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
well you can't waste a boner
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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