That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
