one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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