I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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