I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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