I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So many bounce houses so little time
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
