I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
