It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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