We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
