Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
