I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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