he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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