I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
