Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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