He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
