i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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