Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
