something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
