He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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