I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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