i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize