So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
