dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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