Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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