hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
