Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
