She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize