just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
