is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
