he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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