I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
