I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
