Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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