I'm jealous of your bromance
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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