Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
