We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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